


A Letter For You

by thekindworthreading



Series: 10 Days of Shipping 2020 [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: 10 Days of Shipping, Angst, Letters, M/M, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26812513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekindworthreading/pseuds/thekindworthreading
Summary: Normally Alex gets a letter from John every week, but his last letter has arrived two weeks ago and Alex can´t help but wonder if something has happened to his lover.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & George Washington, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Series: 10 Days of Shipping 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947226
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	A Letter For You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HamilHam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HamilHam/gifts), [gagakuma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gagakuma/gifts).



> This is for day 4 of 10 Days of Shipping - Lams and I went with the prompt Letter  
> @gagakuma told me that this needs to have a happy ending & @HamilHam told me to make it sad, which absolutely didn´t make me feel like a kid during a divorce

Alex has been restless those past two weeks, his unease growing with every passing hour. John doesn´t write as many letters as him and he knows that, but there hasn´t been a week since they parted, that Alex hadn´t received at least one letter from his lover. Sometimes it was just a single paragraph, but at least it was something to let Alex know that John was alright. The only hope that Alex still clings to is that they haven´t gotten a letter telling them that something has happened to John or his man either. It is of course a possibility that no one has noticed or bothered yet, or that they just hadn´t had the time to notify them. Alex lets out a frustrated groan, staring angrily at the paper in front of him.

“Is something bothering you, son?”, Washington’s voice interrupts his thoughts, and Alex looks reluctantly up at his commander.

He has to use all of his willpower not to snap at the older man and instead takes a few calming breaths, before he answers.

“No, sir. Everything is perfectly fine.”

Washington regards him for a moment, before he nods.

“Finish the paper and then you can go to sleep. You look like you need it.”

Alexander straightens his back almost instantly.

“Sir-“, he starts, but Washington just lifts his hand, cutting him off.

“That wasn´t a suggestion, Alexander, but an order. Finish the paper and then go to bed.”

For a second, Alex glares at his commander, before his shoulders slump and he nods.

“Yes, sir.”

A small smile appears on Washington’s for a moment, but before Alex can really register it, it´s already gone again, replaced by the emotionless mask he is usually wearing. Alex lets out a sigh and returns to his writing, though his thoughts are preoccupied with other things. He makes more mistakes than usual, and his writing pace is far slower than he is used to. When he makes the same mistake twice in a row, he gets so frustrated that he accidently tears the paper. Alex throws away the quill and closes his eyes for a moment. He can feel tears burning behind his eyelids and is about to push his chair back and get the quill when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He can´t help but flinch and snaps his eyes open, looking up at Washington.

“Go to sleep, Alex. This paper can wait until tomorrow.”

For a few seconds, Alex considers insisting that he can work, but one look in the older man´s eyes tells him that he has already made up his mind, so Alex just nods and gets up. He picks up the quill and hands it to Washington, feeling ashamed of his behaviour.

“Sir, I… my apologies for how I acted, I hope you can forgive me.”, Alex says stiffly.

“Do not worry, son. All is forgiven, but promise me you will go to sleep.”

Alex nods and when Washington doesn´t say anything else, he starts to leave. He is almost out of the door, when Washington calls his name once more and he turns around to the other man, looking at him questioning.

“He will be alright.”, Washington says quietly, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

Alex has to blink a few times to get the tears out of his eyes and nods, his throat suddenly feeling tight.

“Thank you, sir.”

With that he leaves the commander and steps out into the cold night air, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He knows that he should do what Washington has told him and go to sleep, but it´s hard returning to his tent, when he knows that John won´t be there to keep him warm at night and even harder now that he isn´t even sure that his lover is alive.

Alex wanders around aimlessly for some time, until his ears, nose and fingers are burning from the cold, which is a welcome distraction from the burning inside of his chest. Before it gets a serious problem though, Alex returns to his tent, not intending to get sick again. It´s not much warmer inside, but at least he is sheltered from the wind. He lets out a sigh and starts his bedtime ritual and once he has changed into his nightwear, he takes a little box out from under his bed, gently tracing the lid, before he unlocks it. Inside, there are dozens of letters, some of them so well loved, that they are almost falling apart, but tonight, Alex doesn´t want to dwell on the past and memories of better times, so he takes out the latest letter his lover has written him. For a moment he just sits there and holds it in his hands and like this, he can almost pretend that it´s a new one, one that he doesn´t know all the words to already. He lets out another sigh, pretending there aren´t tears in his eyes and unfolds the letter. Even though he can recite it from memory, Alex makes an effort to read every single word, as few as there are.

_My dearest, Alexander._

_There are not enough words to describe how much I miss you, though I am sure that you could find them all. My deepest apologies that my letters are getting fewer and shorter, but please know that this does not mean my feelings for you are dwindling. I am falling asleep every night thinking of you, hoping that you will at least appear in my dream, because like this, I can touch you at last, like I long to._

_Yours, J._

Alex gently traces the letter J with the tip of his finger, praying to a god he doesn´t even believe in that John, _his_ John is alright and alive, because that is all he can do. After what feels like an eternity, Alex puts the letter back in the box and locks it, before he hides it under his bed again. He hesitates a moment, but then he gets up and takes one of John´s shirts out of the trunk he keeps his clothes in and walks back to his bed with it. As he drifts of to sleep, wrapped in his lover´s shirt, the smell of him surrounding him, he is sure for a second, that he hears his voice calling for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Tysm for reading and pls let me know what you think of it! You can find me on tumblr @whatdidimissjm and on instagram @is.this.my.legacy  
> YOu can find the prompts either on my tumblr or my instagram or on @gagakuma's tumblr or instagram (gagakumadraws)!


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